Catacomb Resident Blog

Strong Enough to Walk Alone

07 May 2022

Even in anonymity, we all divulge something of our character and personality.

One of the primary reasons I am so strong on teaching others to follow their own path is because that's how I do things myself. Every time I've served under others, I might have learned something useful, but I was driven nuts by the moral compromises they always demanded of me. I felt like Daniel and his friends trying to stay kosher in Babylon's royal service. So, I'm a loner for the most part. I don't mind leading others, but I'll always encourage people to keep their own exit lane in sight.

One of the things I've always hated is the western obsession with psychological and personality inventories. I know quite a bit about them, where they come from and how they were devised. I can deconstruct most of them, and I still hate them. All the theories behind them ignore people like me. Not a single one of them offer the answers that fit me best. Thus, none of them are valid for me. I refuse to be pigeon-holed. There might be some interesting issues discussed, but I don't trust any human to understand me.

On the other hand, my God knows me, since He made me. I don't struggle to find affirmation with Him. Yes, there was a time when He cut me off to teach me a lesson, but after my time in spiritual prison, He welcomed me back. By the way, it lasted about as long as Jesus was in the grave. It would be impossible for me to describe what it felt like, so don't ask.

It's not as if I don't learn from other people. The biggest problem has been that I have never been led by someone who didn't take themselves too seriously (I rarely had a choice). Not one of my teachers or instructors gave room for my passion and drive. In fact, that's the one thing that has given me the most grief in every system I've engaged, in the sense that no one else could tolerate my convictions. Once I got what they could give me, I always moved on from it.

That is, with one exception. I once worked as a personal assistant for a fellow who understood my inner drive. He didn't live very long after I started working for him, so you can imagine my disappointment. I would have done almost anything that man asked. It was the best job I ever had. That had nothing to do with the pay, but with the appreciation someone else expressed for who I was inside. He worked me hard without asking me to do things I couldn't or wouldn't. I've never encountered anyone else like that in all my years of working. Worst of all, it never happened when I was among the professional clergy.

That sense of frustration has taught me not to project my biases on people who come to me for any reason. My biggest theme is Covenant and conviction. Yes, I'm sure there are people God calls to follow others. But it makes all the difference in the world if those people know it has to be their own choice, their own sense of calling and conviction. They need to know -- because they are convinced God said so -- that it's their best interest to do that.

My mission in life is to help you become strong enough to have no need of me.

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